A Paltry Kingdom An Insignificant Planet
by Avery Tanner
Summary: After Elsa's brief foray into the world on her own, she returns home to her younger sister, ready to reveal her feelings and deal with whatever consequences may spawn from that. However, Anna's own feelings quickly change her mind. Modern AU Elsanna.
1. Study Time

Elsa looks down the coastline towards the trees. There's a fire burning there in those trees, red flames rising hot and hard against the snowfall around it. She can smell the fire on the wind sweeping down towards her. She looks down at the water she stands ankle deep in. But it isn't water at all, but it is thick and black, like oil. She steps back onto the rocky sand, her feet and dress covered in the black, oozing thickness. A sudden, awful feeling rises from within her stomach, up to her throat. She can taste that feeling, sitting in her mouth and threatening to strangle her.

She hears a strange shouting to her right, a man's voice crying out for something, but in words that she can't make out. She looks down towards his shouting and sees a black figure running towards her, bearing fire in his right hand and roaring monstrously. Elsa tastes fear inside of her and moves backwards, stumbling on her own feet. Her heart thunders in her chest, threatening to free itself from her ribcage.

Then it's over. The same way that it always is. Elsa wakes up safe in her bed in her home. She has the covers twisted in her grasp, and her breath tears at the silence of the night. Her chest heaves and she runs a hand through her sweaty, matted hair. She sighs and lies back in her bed. The dream is always the same – one of only two dreams that she can ever remember having. The second dream is far more pleasant, until the waking hour when she is shaken from her dozing and realizes what it means.

She slips out from under her covers and walks to the bathroom, adjoining her bedroom with her sister's. Slowly opening the door she sees Anna's sleeping form in bed, her mouth opened and drool spilling slowly onto the pillow. Elsa can't help but laugh a little before she closes the door again and smiles to herself. This is the way it is at night for her. She turns on the water in the sink and draws her hair back. She leans in and takes a few quick gulps before turning it off and returning to bed.

She knows that in a few hours her alarm will go off and she'll make her way downstairs to eat breakfast. Anna will already be sitting at the counter, smiling at her over a bowl of cereal. Her mother and father will come down just as Anna leaves for school, and they'll all say their goodbyes. The house will empty out – save for Elsa, and the day will get underway. She crawls back into bed and pulls the covers up to her throat. She can still see the man with his fire, running at her.

Elsa pours herself cereal and milk in silence, looking around the kitchen with the tiniest bit of confusion in her mind. She can hear Anna upstairs doing something in her room, but she hasn't come down yet which is most unlike her. Anna's first alarm buzzes at 6 am, and then again every five minutes until she finally wakes up at 6:30, but Elsa checks the clock on the microwave and now it's nearly 7.

_She's going to be late for class. _Elsa thinks to herself as she fishes a spoon out of the silverware drawer. She considers going upstairs to get her sister briefly. _Nope. Nope. No way at all. Not doing that. _She thinks of the last time she wandered into Anna's bedroom in the morning – that time looking for a spare toothbrush because she had dropped her own on the bathroom floor, and there's no way she was using that. What she was met with was Anna wearing almost nothing and sitting upright in bed. Elsa still got scarlet at that memory. Eventually Anna comes bounding down the staircase, taking them two by two and running right into her sister.

"Oh! Hey! What's up? How're you?" She asks with an effervescent tone. Elsa smiles warmly and Anna steps forward, closing the distance with a sort of practiced ease. Elsa looks down at her smiling little sister a little bit awkwardly. Anna removes the cereal bowl from her sister's grasp.

"Uhm…" Elsa stammers. Anna presses her body against her older sister's and places her hands on the taller girl's shoulders.

"Yeah?" Anna prompts, getting onto her tiptoes and kissing her sister on the lips. She does it at first like calmly, sweetly, with tiredness in her eyes. Then she does it faster, harder. Like a freight train barreling into an obstacle. Elsa's eyes go wide, and her hands wrap around her younger sister.

Anna presses against Elsa, forcing her up against the counter. Elsa smiles into the kiss. Her younger sister tastes like toothpaste concealing morning breath, and it's the most magnificent thing that Elsa can imagine. When she and Anna pry themselves apart, just a little bit, enough only to breathe, Elsa has tears pooling in her eyes.

"What is it?" Anna asks. Then – again – Elsa wakes up in her own. This is the second dream, the much more delightful of the two – as far as Elsa figures it. They rarely happen like that, each of them in the same night. Elsa looks dully at the clock on her bedside table, and sees its red numbers barely two minutes off of the time her alarm goes off. She stares at the bright display until the alarm goes off, like an emergency signal for a natural disaster. She sighs and reaches out to the alarm button, turning it off.

"I've been having these…dreams, lately. They're so real, they feel so real, that I can't tell if they're dreams or not." Elsa says, staring up at the ceiling, holding her hands up in front of her face, looking at her palms. Anna sits on her bed, while Elsa leans back in the chair that sits at her sister's desk. Anna, her fiery red hair in two braids running down either shoulder. She's got her school books and several sets of notes spread out around her.

"Dreams?" She asks. Elsa looks down at her younger sister, barely even being aware that she had been talking. "OF what?" Anna asks. She chews on the end of her pen, nibbling on the button. She looks at her sister with a sort of piqued interest, the same way she always looks at her sister, like nothing she could say would be boring, or not worth the time. Elsa smiles.

"The ocean. Forests. Just regular stuff." She looks around a little awkwardly, not wanting to continue this line of conversation. "So what're you doing?" She pushes the chair over to Anna's bed and looks at the homework. She bends over the papers and the homework and starts listing off all of the things that she has to do. However, Elsa looks over at just the wrong moment, and gets a perfect look right down Anna's blouse. She blushes and only catches some of the words.

"-and I need to figure out what exactly Foster Wallace was talking about, but it's all so dense and uuuugh!" Anna falls back on her bed with her hands over her eyes. "I just can't do all of this." Elsa smiles sadly. Her sister is taking a full 6 classes of AP classes in her final year of high school, with the mad desire of getting into an ivy league university next year. Elsa shrugs, ignoring her sister's legs and her sister's neck and the taper of he sister's chest.

"You'll do fine. Look, just try using Sparknotes to get a guide. Here!" Elsa grabs the pen out of Anna's hand – previously in her mouth – and takes the book off of the bed. She reads it briefly, more like scanning it, and begins underlining. She's done all of this before, she had the same class as her younger sister in her own senior year. Anna looks down at her work, fast and brief.

"What're you doing?" Anna asks. Elsa smiles up to her.

"Highlighting pertinent information." Elsa says. She finishes up and hands the book back to her sister. Anna looks at it and her eyes widen, and a smile cracks her face.

"Augh! You're so smart! Why didn't you go to Yale or something?" Anna demands. Elsa looks down at all the books. She recognizes each of them and spent her own long nights studying their many words. Anna turns the smile down a bit. "I mean…seriously?" Elsa smiles at her sister again.

_I wanted to stay with you. _"I wanted to take a little break, Anna – it wouldn't be a bad idea for you. And…I don't know…once I was done I just decided to stick with the university in town." _I thought maybe I'd get the courage up to tell you how I feel. _Elsa looks at Anna with a little smile and an even smaller shrug. Anna cocks an eyebrow.

"Is it a boy?" She asks with a little spring in her voice. Elsa flushes. "Oh! It is! Oh gosh! Who?" Anna demands, hopping to the edge of the bed and grabbing Elsa's hands. At once Elsa's mind races. She's been caught up in this before – having to lie to her baby sister about what she's doing. A few months ago when she ran off on her own for a few days to try and get her head right Anna had (of course) found her. Elsa had rented out an old hotel room and was lying on the bed when Anna knocked at the door.

_If it's Anna, I tell her everything. Every last bit of it. Then I leave her alone. Accept a scholarship or something. Leave mom and dad to do whatever they're doing. _She opened the door, and there stood Anna, tears in her eyes. At once she reached out and threw herself around her sister. _I can't tell her. _Elsa's memory snaps away and she's back with her sister in her room doing homework.

"It's not a boy, Anna." Elsa says. "I've never even dated anyone." This much is certainly true. It's only ever been her sister – for 21 years it's only ever been Anna. _I could kiss her right now. Just once. Just this once. _But she doesn't. The air in the room settles into a comfortable haze. Time seems to speed on, uncaring for the tasks at hand or the collective busyness of all parties concerned. Anna falls asleep as Elsa begins to doze in the chair. It isn't normal – this strange routine. Just before Elsa leaves, just before she finds her way to her own room, she stops at Anna's bed.

Anna's chest rises and falls slowly, her feet spread out over the books and notes she had been examining. With tired eyes Elsa begins to clean around her little sister, silently moving books around and stowing things on the desk. She shifts Anna's weight slightly and pulls the sheet up to her chin. Satisfied with her work, she takes a step back and looks at her baby sister. Her bare shoulders are dotted with freckles, like her cheeks. Her braids will be a messy nest by the time morning comes.

_Kiss her. _As she leaned down, brushing her braid over her shoulder, Elsa thought that she might be making a mistake. As she places a hand on the bed to steady herself, Elsa's breath catches in her throat. As her lips brush, just a little, against her sister's she considers that perhaps this is wrong. But now, as she kisses her sister just a little bit harder, she considers only one thing: _she would kill me if she woke up._

Elsa cuts off the kiss and makes her way back into her room, and into her own bed. She throws the sheets over her head, and curls into a ball. She's numb, for only a moment, before that numbness gives way to a bending in her heart. She clenches her teeth, and feels tears pooling in her eyes. _Don't cry. Don't cry. _But she does. She lets slip a few tears, before quieting the sadness within her. _Keep it in. Anna will hear. Anna will know. _She repeats this to herself, pushing back one final thought, not wanting to consider it.

_I kissed Anna. _

A.N. You know how it is. Read and review. Thank you very much – and all of that.

-AT


	2. One Day Closer Everyday

_It was only a kiss. Deep breaths now. Inhale. Count to four. Exhale. Count to four. There. Easy! See? Now your brain has enough oxygen to tell you how radically stupid that was._ Elsa lay in her bed the next morning, having slept only a few hours on and off. Her breath came in slow and steady, but inside her brain was a place of abject chaos – the sort of thing that sent people to an insane asylum. She puts her hands over her eyes and groans to herself. _So stupid. _

Elsa walks to the bathroom and looks in the mirror. Red eyes, hair that's a mess, and the sort of bags that one night shouldn't generate but somehow does. She leans in against the mirror and breaths on its surface, fogging it up. She stands in front of the mirror, hands on the counter on either side of the sink, waiting for the fog to clear. After a minute or so, the fog clears and she looks at her reflection. Exactly the same. She sighs.

"Elsa? Honey?" Comes a soft voice from her room. Elsa

"Mom?" Elsa whispers back from the bathroom. There's a strange moment of disambiguation, Elsa almost has – what some might describe as – a moment of Clarity. All of the attention she's been paying to Anna, that is to say all of her attention which has been focused nearly entirely on Anna, spreads out for just a moment, and she remembers why her mother would be calling into her room at 4 am.

"Elsa, hon, your father and I are going to be leaving for the airport soon, would you mind waking Anna so we could say goodbye?" _The trip to England! _Her mother and father had made plans to go to a very old friend's house for a wedding, and they'd be mentioning it for quite some time, but Elsa had – stupidly – forgotten that today was the day they would be leaving.

"Uhm…yeah! Okay, I'll be right out." Without any warning Elsa finds herself on an unfamiliar land. She is a sailor plopped without ceremony or ritual onto a beach far from home, left to explore a place that she has never known. Like the spirit of Lewis and/or Clark inhabit he body, Elsa charges on. She tiptoes into her baby sister's room and locates her amid a pile of sheets, pillows, and blankets. _I definitely didn't leave her like that. Cute though. No! This is probably the worst time to be ogling. _

"Anna! Wake up! Mom and dad are leaving!" She shakes Anna by the shoulder, but that only serves to make Anna swat sleepily at her hand before rolling over and resuming her quiet snoring. Elsa wonders how quickly her parents think she's capable of the Sisyphean task that is waking Anna up before noon. Or waking Anna up at all. Elsa shakes her sister twice more, but nothing happens. _Sorry Anna. _In one swift motion Elsa hooks the mattress with both hands and flips it over.

"Agh!" Anna squeaks as she falls to the floor with a soft thud.

"Elsa! What was that?" Her mother calls.

"Nothing, mom! Anna just rolled off the bed." Anna looks at Elsa with a sort of fury in her eye, like a dog who's just been disturbed during a meal. However, that look is quickly replaced by one of realization, perhaps the same one that Elsa made a moment ago.

"Is that today?" Anna asks with a weird sort of intonation, like a five year old remembering that she has to go to the dentist today. Elsa nods, and a solemnity settles over the room. For all of the feelings that Elsa has concerning her parents, she knows that Anna loves them both without reserve or condition. It takes only a moment for Anna to hop to her feet, and nod like a soldier going into battle. Elsa watches her hair bounce as they walk down the stairs.

And there they all are, the only three people that Elsa has ever known so well. The only three people that she feels she truly loves. Her father stands between two tall piles of suitcases, and her mother stands beside him, smiling sadly. Anna, however, stands so close to Elsa that they could be one person. Anna twines her fingers around her sister's and Elsa blushes, but only a little. A gravity settles in.

"Well…" Elsa's mother begins.

"So…a month then?" Anna asks. Elsa's mother smiles and nods, some tears rimming her eyes. This has never happened before – both of them leaving at once. Her father traveled nearly constantly for work, almost 300 days a year, so the three of them being together as a foursome was always strange, but to be only two? Only she and Anna? Elsa felt a jump of excitement in her stomach, but larger than that, a feeling of dread.

"Yes baby." Elsa's mother says to her daughters. Anna goes to hug her mother, sort of dragging Elsa along. Then their father joins in, on Anna's side, and they're in a group hug. _Well, not so much a group hug as a three person hug with me only awkwardly holding Anna. _And that's indeed the case. Elsa, dragged along by Anna, can now only weirdly grasp her sister around the waist, getting only a bit of her mom and none of her father at all.

"I love you very much." Her mother says.

"We'll be back before you know it." Her father says. But they don't speak to her. They're only talking to Anna. Briefly, Elsa wonders if she should feel left out, or angry. She feels neither though. Her relationship to her parents has always been strained – even more so since she turned 21 and had her little meltdown. Just like that, the parents are gone. Elsa stands – still hand in hand – with her baby sister. They watch their parents leave for the first and last time.

"So what do you think – I mean, about mom and dad?" Anna asks once the door is closed. She's still holding her sister's hand and Elsa looks at her with a sad smile.

"You mean in general?" _I think they're oppressive people who love us both, but totally screwed me up, and it's a wonder you're so normal. _"I don't know." Anna smiles and the two girls walk back upstairs. The gravity stays – at least on Elsa. She can feel it when she says goodnight to Anna, reluctantly releasing her. She can feel it when she lies down in her own bed. She swallows that feeling, like all of her feelings, and tries to sleep.

"Elsa! You will _not _do this to this family!" Her father said the words – two years ago – in a harsh whisper, but that hurt more than a yell. He was too ashamed to yell it. Anna had been out with her mother and Elsa had had a friend over. Her father wasn't supposed to be home until the next night, but there he was, standing in Elsa's bedroom door. And there Elsa was, hurriedly dressing.

"Dad! It's just…" Elsa said, pulling her tank top over her head. She had been stark naked when he walked in. So had her friend. Her friend had rushed downstairs with a sheet around her, busily picking up discarded clothing items and using her curly red hair to hide her face. "We're just friends." He looked at her like she was lying.

"You and she were…Elsa!" _He can't even say it. Fucking, dad. We were fucking. _"I cannot believe you. When your mother and Anna get home…" He trailed off, just as that very thing happened. They were also home early. Elsa could hear the car doors shutting outside . Merida was still downstairs too – probably dressing at about a million miles per hour. Elsa's father was looking at his oldest daughter like she wasn't anything at all. Less than nothing even.

"Dad!" _Anna. _Elsa looked at her father with a sort of pleading in her eyes.

"Dad. Please." Elsa said it in a whisper, her voice full of shame. "Anna…" She trailed off and her father nodded stoically. _He'll think I'm ashamed. He'll think I want to change. Good. As long as Anna doesn't know. _Anna already knew that Elsa was only interested in the fairer sex; they had discussed it several years prior. Elsa just didn't want the true object of her affection to know that she was sleeping around – for lack of a better term. _Merida will leave, and we'll all fake it like this didn't happen. _Elsa's father glared at her with all the hate he could muster.

Now Elsa sits on her bed, the same morning and only a few hours after her parents left. Memories eat her up inside, all of the things that she and her parents did to each other over the next two years. All of the hate and anger poured into every action that they took. Anna never knew what was happening until Elsa left on the night of her party. For Elsa everything in those two years was a mix of hate and barely contained rage. It all just boiled over that night, and Anna was there in the middle of it all. Her phone rings on the bedside table. She almost never gets calls, who calls anymore? She picks it up and checks who's calling, but it's just a random number.

She doesn't understand most of what comes next. It's all just words. Like countries on a map she's never seen – countries that she can't name. The phone call ends quickly, it only lasts for two minutes. They say a lot, but she doesn't understand much of it at all. _Parents. Accident. Hospital. Critical. _Elsa feels her stomach doing cartwheels inside of her. She wants to throw up. She isn't even dressed.

_I need to go get Anna._

The next part happens quick. Elsa's in the car, and then she's at Anna's school, and then they both arrive at the hospital. Elsa can only mark the passage of time by the looks on her sister's face during each event. Happy but confused at the school, terrified in the car to the hospital, confused when the doctor speaks, and then broken. Utterly, irrevocably shattered. It happens like dropping a vase. All Elsa wants to do is pick up the pieces, put them back together, but things are gone, and it will never be the same.

Elsa has dry eyes in the hospital hallway, just outside the ICU. Anna's sobs into her shoulder, arms around her sister so tightly that she couldn't squeeze any harder if she tried. Elsa feels herself shake with her sister. A sort of quiet, tearless, racking. Like everything inside of her is convulsing. A single, painful cry escapes her, like all the air in her body escapes at once. Anna cries harder, and Elsa grips her more tightly.

_Strong. You need to be strong. Conceal it. _Elsa's heart squeaks and cracks with the stress, a thousand tiny fractures running its length, trying desperately to support the weight. Anna sobs and Elsa's knees get weak, she slides to the floor, and they go against the wall, Anna crying, Elsa holding her. It goes on like this. It goes on like this for the rest of the day. It goes on like this for a week. Anna shuts down completely, her words stop, and she communicates only in broken nods and whispers. Every doctor, lawyer, and adult otherwise concerned refers only to the tall girl with hair so blonde it's white. Every night Anna drags Elsa into her bed, and Elsa holds her until she falls asleep.

"I love you Elsa." The only complete sentence Anna struggles out throughout the entire week between the deaths and the burials. The only thing she says at all. She says it only when they're both about to be asleep. Elsa's tucked carefully behind her, the big spoon – as it were. "I love you, Elsa." Anna turns around and buries her face in the crook of her big sister's neck.

"I love you, Anna." _I hate myself for loving this. _

**A.N. Dead parents? Check. Flashback? Check. Thank you for reading. **

**AT**


	3. Boxes and Brinner

Spread out all of their old things on the bed, and take a moment to sift through it all. Figure out exactly what needs to stay and what needs to go. Pack the worthwhile things away into boxes, and toss the rest in big black trash bags. Most of it stays; most of it is a keepsake that can never be replaced, because it's a part of them. Her mother kept a diary, in the top right corner of her dressed, with her socks. Her father had a watch that his great grandfather had also once worn. An old leather-bound bible sits on the bookshelf with a well weathered spine and pages that have grown frayed over time. It all stays. The garbage bag only fills up halfway, but she goes through more boxes than she cares to make a note of.

Elsa has been trying to do this for a while, ever since after the funeral when the life insurance was paid and the will was read. It's been three weeks, and with Anna back in school their house feels massive and empty – although – it always felt that way to her. They need to move out, she and her sister. The house is theirs now, their parents owned it in full, but with only two people it's a monumental waste of space. She hasn't told Anna yet, that they'll be moving.

_Anna's not stupid. _Elsa thinks. _She knows we need to leave. She'll be okay. She'll move in with me._ Elsa doesn't want to consider the alternative that Anna might have other plans. They were always well off in her family, and now with the life insurance and the will each of them – especially Anna – has more money than they know what to do with. Elsa doesn't want to make the bitter note that she was more or less entirely removed from the will, her father's doing, probably. Anna is doing better though, she's allowed Elsa to return to her own bed most nights, and she does her best to hide the crying. Every time Elsa hears the sounds of soft, muffled tears coming in through the bathroom she still goes in though and wraps her arms around her sister. An entirely selfish action.

By the time Anna gets back from school Elsa has more or less turned her parent's room into a ghost town. She couldn't move any of the heavier furniture out into the garage, but the room is clearly empty. She hears her sister plod up the stairs.

"I'm in here, Anna!" Elsa calls from the room, where she's labeling and taping the boxes. Anna appears in the doorway, her backpack in her right hand. Her too big sweater hangs limply off her shoulder. She surveys the scene with the sort of eyes that seem older now than they did a month ago. Finally, she looks sadly at her sister.

"You did it." She says it simply. Elsa looks around as if she's only just now realizing what she's been up to all day. She nods and looks at the boxes.

"Yeah, this is it." Elsa and Anna both look at the boxes. Their parents entire being condensed down into some boxes, packed away and eventually forgotten. Anna sniffles and Elsa reflexively looks at her sister like a bomb is about to go off. Anna shakes her head and wipes a stray tear from her eye.

"I'm fine." She holds out her hand to keep away her sister, who stands up anyway. Elsa crosses the short distance in a few steps and puts her hands on Anna's shoulders. She thinks of the kiss the night before her parents died. She wonders if Anna has any awareness of it at all. Of any of the feelings that she has. The two girls stare at each other for a brief moment, Anna looking up and managing a barebones smile, stripped of all of her typical frivolity. "So you…really didn't like mom and dad, huh?" Elsa freezes, feeling like she's just wondered into a mine field. Anna looks at her with the same sad smile. It's not an accusation – Elsa realizes – it's statement of fact. _Anna isn't stupid, she must have noticed everything that happened, even before my birthday. _

"I loved them, I just…" Elsa trails off.

"Didn't like them?" Anna finishes, tentatively. Elsa, still with her hands on Anna's shoulders, her right hand on hot, smooth skin, nods. "Can you tell me about it?" Anna asks, looking down and away like she's embarrassed to be asking. Elsa swallows hard. Her sister's hair is in its typical two braids, but loose strands hang around her face, and a desire to make her happy aches in Elsa.

"Sit down." And they both do. Anna sits on the now bare mattress, her back to the wall and her legs crossed under her. Elsa does the same, only facing her sister, their knees just touching. Elsa runs her hands through her hair the way that she does, her fingers dragging through the thick nearly white hair. She sighs and shifts, swallows and then starts.

"So…I guess…" Anna stares at her big sister, doing her best to be quiet. "Uhm…so dad found out I was gay – a few years ago – I guess, and he…" Elsa groans loudly, and Anna jumps a bit. "Sorry. I just don't know what to say really."

"It was when you had Merida over, yeah?" Anna says it as if it should be obvious, and Elsa's face goes scarlet all at once. "I knew about that. She was half naked in the kitchen." Elsa's scarlet face became even more so – if that were even possible.

"Well he walked in on us." Elsa says, dipping into a rhythm. "And he freaked out, but I begged him not to tell you, and so he didn't, but once mom found out they sort of…cut me out." She stops, looking at her sister, who stares back at her without much expression on her face. "Anna, do you really want to hear all this now? Mom and dad were cruel to me, but I still loved them very much."

"You haven't cried." Anna says. Elsa freezes, and thinks about it for a moment.

"No. I haven't." Elsa runs her hands through her hair again and looks at the boxes, they're almost all labeled now, with only a few left blank and untaped. Anna also looks at the boxes, but she doesn't move herself towards them.

"Sorry." She mumbles. Still she stays on the bed with her sister. A long, uncomfortable silence passes between them, the sort of silence that hangs in the air like a thick cloud. "If they treated you so badly, why did you stay?" _To be with you. _

"I didn't want to leave you." _I couldn't do that to myself. I need you. _Anna looks at her sister a little sadly, with a smile almost creasing her lips, but not quite, like she's trying to keep it off of her face. The silence returns to the room, but it's comfortable this time. Eventually, the two girls finish the work with the boxes and move them all downstairs. Anna departs to do homework, and Elsa watches her bob into the room and close the door – just leaving a tiny crack of light.

_This is insane. You either need to tell her or move out – this is killing you. _Elsa is downstairs in the kitchen, some hours later, making bacon, chocolate chip pancakes, hash browns, and (decaf) coffee, Anna's favorite meal that can be rightfully called that – otherwise, chocolate cake would take that spot. _This is ridiculous. _Anna's sitting at the counter, watching Elsa cook. Elsa is at the stove, watching Anna in the reflection of the microwave.

"Are you burning those?" Anna asks with a giggle. Elsa quickly remove the bacon with her bare fingers – stupidly – and looks at her sister with a mark of satisfaction.

"Not at all." Anna's legs are crossed at the counter, her shorts not doing much at all to cover up. Elsa's been staring transfixed for the best part of an hour, nearly burning everything that she's got on the stove. Finally – and with minimal damages she finishes. They eat with the comfortable sort of silence that accompanies delicious food. The sort of silence punctuated by forks scraping plates and the occasional quiet moan of satisfaction. Elsa sat happily next to her sister, eating in more measured bites, but still just as happily. Anna's phone buzzes after a minute, and with a groan she looks at the screen, and her fork – hanging over her plate – halts.

"Who is it?" Elsa prods. "Is it for me? I bet it is." Anna smiles at her – a joke they used to make when they were younger, that everyone who tried to contact either of them was only looking for the other. However, where normally they would carry it on, Anna groaned and swiped her phone open, taking only the time to delete the message. "What is it?" Elsa asks.

"Kristoff." She says with the sort of tone that someone who had just discovered a spider in their boot might use. Elsa didn't have to ask about who this person was. Anna had only ever had two boyfriends, each in rapid succession: Hans, a boy who had used her for sex and then dropped her, where a boy named Kristoff picked her up. The problem with him though was on the other end of the spectrum; he was trying so hard, and refused to allow Anna space. Anna groans, and Elsa stifles a laugh and swallows her drops of jealousy.

"Sorry." She keeps smiling, just a little bit. Anna groans and leans over, laying her head on her sister's shoulder. Elsa's fork shakes a bit in her fingers, but she does her best to keep her head cool.

"Why can't I just throw my phone away?" She groans and throws her hand over her eyes with a dramatic flourish. "We could get all old and gnarly together!" As Anna says it she twists around quickly and is on her knees in her chair, her hands on Elsa's wrist. Elsa's brain buzzes, aching like an overheating engine. She can feel the gears in her head turning hard, grinding against each other. _Probably shouldn't. _

"Run away with me, Anna!" Elsa says, not playing along, but sounding convincingly like she might be. Anna smiles and her blue eyes look far away. Elsa's brain goes from barely working to working in overdrive. The lights in the kitchen get brighter and more poisonous, she can taste the smoke in the kitchen, she can hear the heat outside, and feel the gentle hum of the old machinery of the house.

"Happily." Elsa swallows hard, like she's trying to struggle down every feeling inside of her. _Definitely shouldn't. _Elsa feels the weight of something old and terrible, the sort of feeling that drives people to do stupid things. She feels the sort of trapped that can only be felt by people who badly want to kiss a person. She wonders how long she's been staring at Anna; the curves and angles of her, the way her collar bones tuck into her, the way her neck moves, the way her cheeks dimple when she smiles, the freckles on her cheeks. A twisting sensation goes in Elsa's stomach. _This is a really bad idea. _

Elsa leans in, slowly, and kisses her sister. For a moment – just for a moment – it could be mistaken for something else. She kisses Anna awkwardly, starting and stopping, like a traffic jam. The moves are jerky, and the responses are even more stunted. Anna puts her hands in Elsa's lap, and she moves her lips with Elsa's, but in contradictory motions, like they're two thirteen year-olds having their first kiss in the back of a school dance. Elsa pulls away and swallows everything in her.

Anna looks at her with wide eyes, a thousand different emotions fluttering through her eyes. Dark things leap up in Elsa; fear, resentment, anger, self-hate, but even worse than any of that – a mad love, and a desire to do it all again, only better. Tears well up in Anna's eyes, but they're quiet, and reserved. She looks down, her right fingers brushing her lips. Elsa steps down from the counter and mumbles something. Anna makes a grab for her sister, but Elsa pulls away with a jerk. Her walk turns into a run and she's out the door.

She's in the car and she's out of the driveway and down the street. She's driving so fast that she runs two stop signs. Her brakes squeal in protest, her tires smoked. She stops in the dead center of a deserted street and stares at the steering wheel. She can taste chocolate, and Anna, on her lips.

_What are you doing?_

_ What in the hell are you doing?_

"What are you doing?" She screams it, so loud that the windows shake.

**A.N. Thank you for the reviews, for the nice things you say, and for the follows and favorites. I appreciate it very much.**

**-AT **


	4. Yosemite T Shirt

_It is so fucking hot. _Elsa thinks, sitting in the driver seat of her car. Her head throbs, and she tries to ignore the buzzing sensation in her heart. Sweat tickles down her forehead and further down to her back. She wipes her face off on her shirt and sighs. It's the sort of heat that melts car tires, even in the night. She leans her forehead against the steering wheel of her car and tries to think. She parked her car off the highway, far from home, in some tiny little diner that could be pulled straight out of the 50s. Elsa dials her phone, the last person who called her.

"Hello?" The voice is sleepy, Elsa checks the clock on her phone.

"It's not even 9, Eugene." Elsa says disapprovingly.

"Thanks mom. What's up?" Eugene is chewing something on the other end.

"Are you free?" Eugene takes a moment to ponder this, as if he has no idea whether or not he'll be free within the next ten minutes.

"Yeah. Want me to come by?" Elsa's heart skips a beat.

"No! Absolutely not. Uhm…" Elsa checks the diner's name, and the street she's on. "Meet me at Aunt Haddie's, North Fifteenth Street. It's a diner, I'll be inside. Okay?"

"A date? Rap's gonna be steamed." Elsa laughs.

"Pun intended?" Eugene chuckles.

"Meet you there." Elsa hangs up her phone and slips it back into her pocket. She looks down at her feet. _No shoes. _She sighs. _That was so god damn stupid. _She gets out of the car and crosses the parking lot, careful to watch her footfalls. She slips into the diner and slides her way into a booth, conscious of the fact that she isn't wearing shoes. A heavy set, older woman walks up. She's the kind of old that you can't place, she might be a bad 40 or a great 70 – it's impossible to tell.

"Just you, hon?" She asks, putting a menu on the table. Elsa holds up two fingers, and the woman puts another menu down. "You alright? You look a little rough around the edges." The woman puts a hand on her hip – clearly not in the mood to be walking away. Elsa shrugs and fixes her hair into a ponytail. The woman gives a bit of a smirk and walks back in the direction of the kitchen. Elsa's brain aches in her head and the woman returns with a tall glass of water.

"Thank you." Elsa says, the woman nods. There's a lull before she walks away. "Are you Aunt Haddie?" The woman smiles and nods.

"That's my name on the sign." Elsa smiles.

"Thank you, Aunt Haddie." The woman smiles and walks away once more. It takes the whole glass of water and a half of another one before Eugene walks in. He comes in with his typical casual saunter, and swings his way into the booth. Elbows on the table, he smiles at Elsa.

"You look like hammered shit." He says with a smirk. Elsa dips her fingers in the water and splashes him in the face with it. He takes it without flinching. "So what's up? This isn't like you. And where's Anna?" Aunt Haddie comes by and puts another glass of water on the table, Eugene thanks her, but focuses on Elsa almost exclusively. He blows some hair out of his eyes and for just a second Elsa can see what Rapunzel sees, but then he starts talking.

"Anna's at home – I think." _Why did you call him? Hey Eugene I kissed my sister – and I would really like to do it again, any advice? _Eugene looks at Elsa and shrugs, putting out his lower lip and looking around the diner.

"So what's up? This doesn't feel like a friendly get together El." Elsa – despite herself – does like him though. Friends since they were fourteen, and then along came some more friends and a girlfriend or two – not the least of which being Merida and Rapunzel, and now their gang had become a family of sorts. None of them knew though. No one could ever know.

"I just need some company. I've…" She trails off and Eugene leans back.

"I can do company. Rap says hey, by the way." He says her name and a kind of admiration flashes in his eyes, but just for a second. "So – just company then." And for a few hours they're company. Eugene orders a coke and they sit around for three hours, swapping stories and eating French fries. Elsa's okay. But – of course – Eugene leaves because he has to his healthy, functioning relationship, and his stable life. Elsa watches him leave, gives him a hug, but she stays. Aunt Haddie looks at her.

"You're in trouble?" She asks. Elsa blinks her eyes, confused. "Way I see it, you must have did something. I mean, girl like you? Here? This time'a night?" She shakes her head and Elsa looks at her hands, folded on the table. She's forgotten that she isn't wearing shoes, but now it returns to her mind. She looks back at the woman wiping the table next to hers.

"I…" _Kissed my sister, and if she would let me I would go home and do much more than that. _"Thanks for everything, Auntie." Elsa puts two twentys on the table, vastly more than the bill would be for. She rushes out the door and into the car before the woman can protest the money. She gets into the car and pulls out onto the street, without a destination in mind. Aimlessly, she drives around town for an hour. _You need to go home. Anna's asleep by now anyway – Jesus._

Like a refugee returning after a long exodus, Elsa turns on her blinker and heads home, a million emotions swimming inside of her. More than anything though she can't stop thinking about the fact that she hasn't brushed her teeth, and she's been eating French fries. After you add the brinner and the decaf coffee to that combo her breath smells like something died in her mouth. Stupidly, like a girl about to go on her first date, she stops at a supermarket and gets a little travel kit and brushes her teeth in the bathroom. Then she goes home – after a dozen detours down winding roads.

The house is locked up tight, the front porch lights are on. Elsa unlocks the front door and steps in, happy that the hinges don't squeak. Upstairs all of the lights seem to be off, downstairs it's the same way. She goes into the kitchen where all of the dishes are scrubbed and cleaned and put away. Counters are clean as well. Elsa smiles sadly. She walks up the stairs, avoiding the creaky ones as best she can. She peeks into Anna's room, slowly opening the door just enough to see in, but the bed is empty. She looks at the bathroom, where the door is closed and the lights are on.

"Anna?" She puts her hands on the door and leans her forehead against the wood. "Anna are you in there?" She can hear the water running in the sink, and it suddenly turns off. "Anna, please, please, please let me in. We need to talk." Elsa hears the lock on the door click, slowly. _And there she is. _Anna stands in the bathroom, her hair plastered to her face, her brown t-shirt, the one with a print of Yosemite National Park on the front, a place they went with their parents when they were kids on one of their only family vacations, was stuck to her skin with sweat. She doesn't say a word though – which is very unlike her.

"I'll just…" Elsa trails off, and sits on the edge of the bathtub. Anna leans against the wall opposite her and stares at her sister. They stare like that for a long time, not moving, hardly blinking, just looking at each other. Elsa's stomach threatens to get volatile at any moment. "You're all sweaty." Elsa says. Anna nods.

"I went on a walk." _She looked for you, you idiot. _The air in the room is heavy, like Anna's been showering, but she hasn't been, the heat is rising entirely off of her. Anna slides down the wall, sinking her butt to the floor. She pulls her knees in against her chest, a defensive posture. "You ran away – again." The again cuts Elsa deep, down to the bone. Anna had never expressed any sort of anger at Elsa having run away on her birthday.

"Anna, I…" The words don't clear her tongue just right. She swallows.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Anna demands, her eyes full of the sort of anger that comes from deep down. Elsa looks at her, so small on the floor, but the only presence in the room that seems to be stealing all the air from it. Anna stands, bare feet on linoleum. "Elsa you are the _only _person I have left!" She looks like she wants to say more, like maybe she's been considering her argument all night. The words catch in her throat and she stops.

"Anna. I am so sorry." Elsa says, rather pitifully. "I shouldn't have kissed you, I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." Anna rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, both gestures she isn't used to, and Elsa wonders how long she's been practicing that.

"I don't care that you kissed me Elsa. You left." Anna's voice rises on the last two words, her pitch elevating at her voice getting louder. Anger rises up high. "God, you are such a fucking coward!" She screams it. "You don't just get to do what you did and then run away, and then you come back here apologizing? Fuck that." Elsa's never heard her baby sister talk like this, or curse, or yell.

"Anna…"

"No! You should have told me." She crosses her arms defiantly and Elsa feels tears rimming in her eyes – not a familiar sensation for the young woman. Anna clenches her jaw. Slowly Elsa stands.

"I should go to bed. We both should." Anna almost growls at the notion. She takes a step towards her sister, arms still crossed.

"You owe me an explanation." She says.

"Anna, I didn't want to tell you. I thought it would hurt what we had, and after mom and dad…" She trails off, but Anna doesn't tear up. Elsa expects her to start crying, but she doesn't, she doesn't even blink. "I knew how you'd react, and I really didn't want to have to…I didn't want to hurt…" She trails off again lamely. She's usually so good at talking. Anna's fury peaks, and Elsa can almost taste the change in the air.

"You _knew _how I'd react?" Anna takes another step closer, so close that she could be touching her sister if she leaned forward. It happens so fast that Elsa barely has time to react. Anna puts her hands on Elsa's shoulders, pushing her down so she's again sitting on the edge of the bathtub. "You have no _idea_ how I would react." And they're kissing, not like the first time. They're kissing like a car crash, all wild action happening all at once, tongues and lips moving in wild, urgent motions. Elsa wraps her arms around Anna, aware somewhere in the back of her mind that this is wrong. Anna moves her hands to her sister's neck, fingers touching her cheeks, and thumbs on the jawline. Elsa stands up off of the bathtub, hoisting her sister up into her arms, legs around her waist.

"This is wrong." Elsa says, through gasped breaths. Anna wraps her fingers in her older sister's hair and nods.

"I've reconciled myself to that." It takes a minute to get it out, all hushed tones murmured through the sort of kisses that precede a lot more. Anna slips her hands under Elsa's shirt, skin on skin now. Elsa pushes her up against the wall, supporting her weight perfectly. The kissing stops suddenly, and Elsa pulls away. Tears rim her eyes. She looks at Anna like she's the only person in the world. She buries her face in the crook of Anna's neck, and Anna holds her head there, in a sort of hug.

"You are the only person I have ever loved like this." Elsa whispers into Anna's neck. "But this…you…I don't know that I can give you what you deserve." Anna kisses her sister's head, just next to the ear.

"I love you too Elsa." She kisses her ear this time, biting her ear lobe. "Now you have to take me to your room – I'm not having sex with you for the first time in a bathroom." And that settles the issue.

**A.N. So there's that. Thank you lovely folks for all of the love, I appreciate it greatly. **

**-AT**


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